When anxious, our body reacts like we’re under attack and floods us with adrenaline to cope with the real (or imagined) threat. Most people are familiar with the flight/fight response that results from a rush of adrenaline to the system, but there’s another response that the brain turns to as a last resort: Freezing.
Freezing is what leads to you holding your breath when you’re in a frightening situation with the hope that if you make yourself still and insignificant enough, you will be overlooked and can eventually make your escape. It is how we respond when there is nothing to fight and nothing to flee from, but we are nevertheless under psychological strain.
Freezing is how I react when I am stressed or overwhelmed. It does not mean I become immobile in a literal “blood running cold” situation. It means that I am in the grips of crippling indecision and unable to make any choices or take any action in the face of whatever situation it may be.
This week was a bit of a struggle for me as I worried about handling new responsibilities, my health and living conditions. Therefore I froze up and was barely productive. What hurts the most about freezing is how unreliable it makes me. Some people count on me coming through for them, whether in a personal or professional capacity, and I hate that I inevitably disappoint them when in the cold grip of anxiety.
This sometimes triggers an unhealthy spiral of self-recrimination which eventually leads to depression; a state in which I am no good to anyone, least of all myself. I tend to retreat into myself when hurt/frightened/anxious and turning aside from the world does not make it easy to break free of depression. Much like Elsa in the Disney film “Frozen”, I would rather shut myself off in this numb state that is simultaneously isolating and comforting.
Thankfully, that is not the case this week as though I did get the blues, I was able to shake them loose. I’m thankful to those who reached out to me, providing both vocal and quiet support. I’m not 100% but neither am I at 0. Do I still feel alone and cut off from the world? Yes, but I also know that how I feel is not necessarily the truth.
I planned to take this newsletter in a different, more intellectual direction but I suppose that’d be for another day. Some days, you just gotta feel the feels.
Until next time, Peace and Warm Hugs.
Frozen
Freezing is how I have always reacted in sexual assault situations. It has been one of my the biggest guilts I carry along with me. Until I very recently talked about it with my therapist. I'm not sure knowing about it or why it works helps me but I think what helps me is knowing that this isn't just something I do. This isn't me being complicit in my own destruction. Thank you for writing this! Keep writing, I love reading from you xx