Ever since I decided that I was going to focus on creative nonfiction, especially of the autobiographical variety, I have found myself stuck because surely to write interestingly about one’s life, one must lead an interesting life, no? And though my life has most definitely been eventful, interesting might not be the best word for it, for is there anything more banal than the story of (mental) illness? The bottom line is my brain turned against me, and while that might manifest in a myriad of ways, that is the lens through which the light scatters. And so I start and stop, in fits and starts, trying to write because damn it, I am a writer and this is how best I communicate with the world and this is what little talent I have to hack it in this big world and it shan’t waste, not if I have a say in it. Which brings me back to the question: Why is it that I believe I can and should write and yet never actually do so? There are a few possible answers, so I’ll try to work through them ( because that is essentially what I’m trying to achieve with this “article” ):
- I don’t actually believe I’m a writer: This is a good one because it questions a fundamental of my entire personality. Am I a writer because I have written in the past and it has been considered good? Am I a writer because I am seeking to pass across some message or impart some knowledge through the written word? Am I a writer because this is how I process my experience of reality and share that with other people? As I write this, I realise that I don’t actually know. I suspect it’s some combination of the above to varying degrees, and the only way I will ever discover if I truly am a Writer is by actually writing. Which brings me to my next question:
- I don’t believe I’m good at writing: This sounds very similar to the previous question, or like some derivative of it, but there’s a bit of difference, at least to me. While “I don’t believe I’m a writer” questions my foundational understanding of myself and there isn’t much I can do if I don’t believe I’m a writer so I might as well pack this all up and go home, “I don’t believe I’m good at writing” is a question of skill, and skill can be honed, improved upon and developed. To be 100% honest, I don’t believe I’m a very good writer. I’m passable, I have the occasional inspired turn of phrase, and I can put together a decent presentation of ideas, but to be truly good at writing, I believe I need to write a whole lot more than I currently do. Not just writing often, but writing badly. I need to write and publish and be critiqued on it a lot more than I currently am. I think because I often write on sensitive, personal issues, people hesitate to criticise me, and so I don’t get constructively told my work sucks nearly enough, and I need to hear that so that I can improve because I’ve plateaued for a long time now, and this rut needs to go.
- I don’t believe I have anything interesting to write about: This is a tricky one because I simultaneously believe and don’t believe this. The thing I find that engages me the most is my own life and my own experiences, as though the human condition is fundamentally the same; it is the lens of personal experience that differs. I want to share my own story, but I want it to be relatable to other people. The issue is, in the moment, I don’t find my life very interesting. I wake up, I go to work, I use my meds, I go to bed. That’s pretty much it. And the personal stories that I do find interesting through the benefit of hindsight, I may not be removed enough from to tell, or I may be so removed from them that they have lost their relevance. I think my life would make a mighty fine memoir when all is said and done, but to hone the skills and reputation that would allow me to write a proper one, I need to write more now, and that’s proving difficult.
There are other answers ( but I can’t think of them right now, maybe I’ll write a part 2 ), but I think that exploring these three has been a good place to start. Furthermore, I’m always waiting for the right time to write and publish, though I know no such thing exists, so we’ll start with this. Hopefully, I don’t flake out, and you’ll see me in your inbox a lot more often from now on, but no promises; we all know how bad I am at keeping those. Please feel free to
And we can have a conversation about your own obstacles to writing if you’re a writer, or you can tell me off for sending this rubbish to your inbox or something. Until next time, Peace and Intermittent Scribing ✨.
You can't fool me, Dolapo. I'm familiar with your game. 😂 (It's a popular sports meme, I hope you get it)
On a serious note, you're a darn good writer and I will be looking forward to what else you publish. Clear out the cobwebs, find a topic you're keen on and get knee-deep into it.
You'll do just fine. Keep going!